So you know what I get a kick out of? Reading blogs from a couple years ago, or months, or weeks, and laughing at how stupid I sound. Whether it's because I was in a spell of emotional instability or whatever the reason may be, it's hilarious to me how ridiculous I have been hahaha. Additionally, it's interesting to see how random my thought processes are, or how my ideas and points of view have changed over time.
I have a lot to say today, but I don't feel too much like typing right now. I'll complete this later on tonight :)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Booooyyyy you fiiiiineeee!
Hey everyone!! Due to my immese boredom and tendancy to not want to do any of the millions of productive things I should be doing, I'm going to start blogging regularly! Back to my random gripes about random things...here I go!!!
Soooo let's see...
OH! I got a job interview...FINALLY. Levi's! Interview on Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. Any advice? Leave me a comment.
I'm so excited. I've been looking for a job for like five billion years. Totally though I had one, but then I bombed my second interview and they gave it to some other chick :(. Total downer.
This has been the most immesely boring weekend of my life. Following the football game (which actually wasn't boring, but awesome, rather) I came home and went to bed at like 10. Yesterday I watched pay per view all day. Went to bed at 11. Today? TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING TO DO. I'm not becoming one of those losers who does nothing but sit on the freaking computer all day! Or am I...
So hm. What's been irritating the hell out of me lately?
Oh hahahahaha so that whole situation with the flying balloon boy? I came home from school on Thursday or whatever day that was, made myself some easy mac, turned on the TV, and saw this shit. I sat there for like an hour and a half waiting for this balloon thing to go crashing into the ground, and when it finally did there was no freaking kid in it. Biggest let down ever.
Immediately I said to myself "news hoax!" and alas, it totally was.
People are such idiots. Why would you be so deperate for attention that you would do something like make millions of people think that this kid is about to die. I think we should exile those hicks!
So I really want to see Paranormal Activity, but due to my effing Bronchitis, all my friends went and saw it without me, so I have no one to see it with! If you wanna go, hit me up :).
I'm starting to bore myself, so I'm going to end this with a deep, philosophical thought...
Do hicks know that they're hicks?
(One of Jimmy and I's deep, relevant conversations)
And to the few people that will actually read this, thank you!!!! :)
Soooo let's see...
OH! I got a job interview...FINALLY. Levi's! Interview on Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. Any advice? Leave me a comment.
I'm so excited. I've been looking for a job for like five billion years. Totally though I had one, but then I bombed my second interview and they gave it to some other chick :(. Total downer.
This has been the most immesely boring weekend of my life. Following the football game (which actually wasn't boring, but awesome, rather) I came home and went to bed at like 10. Yesterday I watched pay per view all day. Went to bed at 11. Today? TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING TO DO. I'm not becoming one of those losers who does nothing but sit on the freaking computer all day! Or am I...
So hm. What's been irritating the hell out of me lately?
Oh hahahahaha so that whole situation with the flying balloon boy? I came home from school on Thursday or whatever day that was, made myself some easy mac, turned on the TV, and saw this shit. I sat there for like an hour and a half waiting for this balloon thing to go crashing into the ground, and when it finally did there was no freaking kid in it. Biggest let down ever.
Immediately I said to myself "news hoax!" and alas, it totally was.
People are such idiots. Why would you be so deperate for attention that you would do something like make millions of people think that this kid is about to die. I think we should exile those hicks!
So I really want to see Paranormal Activity, but due to my effing Bronchitis, all my friends went and saw it without me, so I have no one to see it with! If you wanna go, hit me up :).
I'm starting to bore myself, so I'm going to end this with a deep, philosophical thought...
Do hicks know that they're hicks?
(One of Jimmy and I's deep, relevant conversations)
And to the few people that will actually read this, thank you!!!! :)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
There's no giving up when you're young and you want some.
So there is this person that used to be in my life, this person I used to really look up to and aspire to be. This person was strong, smart, beautiful, confident.
I looked at everything this person said as if it was so far above anything anyone else could come up with. I thought that everything they said and did was so well-thought-out and well-intended.
I have recently realized what has come of this person in passed years, and it's so difficult to realize that someone you always looked up to has become nothing more than a pathetic hypocrite. Maybe they have been that way all along, and I was too young and naive to realize it. Actually, I realize now this is probably the case. It's too bad this person still thinks they're God's gift to humankind.
People always told me how much things would change between freshman year and now, and if someone would have told me that things would be the way they are now I never would have believed them.
It's so intense of a feeling to look back on my ideas, opinions, the way I thought of myself back then.
I have grown so much as a person. I have become the strong person I always thought I was but recently realized I wasn't. I don't need to compare myself to other people anymore, and I certainly don't need anyone to look up to.
It will be interesting to see what comes of my peers. I'm already anticipating my ten year reunion.
How can it almost be 2010? Where have all the years gone?
I feel so old. I still feel like I'm in middle school or something. It's weird to think how I thought I was so mature and high above everyone before.
I love how middle school and high school kids just think so highly of themselves haha.
I looked at everything this person said as if it was so far above anything anyone else could come up with. I thought that everything they said and did was so well-thought-out and well-intended.
I have recently realized what has come of this person in passed years, and it's so difficult to realize that someone you always looked up to has become nothing more than a pathetic hypocrite. Maybe they have been that way all along, and I was too young and naive to realize it. Actually, I realize now this is probably the case. It's too bad this person still thinks they're God's gift to humankind.
People always told me how much things would change between freshman year and now, and if someone would have told me that things would be the way they are now I never would have believed them.
It's so intense of a feeling to look back on my ideas, opinions, the way I thought of myself back then.
I have grown so much as a person. I have become the strong person I always thought I was but recently realized I wasn't. I don't need to compare myself to other people anymore, and I certainly don't need anyone to look up to.
It will be interesting to see what comes of my peers. I'm already anticipating my ten year reunion.
How can it almost be 2010? Where have all the years gone?
I feel so old. I still feel like I'm in middle school or something. It's weird to think how I thought I was so mature and high above everyone before.
I love how middle school and high school kids just think so highly of themselves haha.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Dear Friendly Friends.
This is such a new experience for me. I'm consistently in an amazing mood? Who knew!
I'm getting to know myself. It's nice. I'm so not stressed out. I'm just happy.
I love people I used to know. I love when they come back into my life. Whether it's a really good friend I lost touch with over the summer (Tesserrrr!) or someone I just started seeing again for the first time in like...four years? [:)] It's always a good feeling to see someone again you haven't seen in a while. Especially if it is someone that was a strong positive presence in your life.
Oh that reminds me. Last weekend I definitely had lunch with my Aunt and Uncle who were randomly out here. I hadn't seen them in like...6 years? (They're on my mom's side of the family...) It was nice. It made me feel really old though.
The second best feeling? Getting rid of people who bring you down, or cause you problems, or remind you of a time you don't want to remember over and over again. I don't need anyone bringing me down. And letting go is hard, sometimes, but it's the best decision you could ever make for yourself.
In the past month or so, I have just become a better person.
I really have been feeling super old a lot lately. Esp since I've been preping my college applications and starting my essays? Applying for scholarships and all that junk? It's just like "Wow, I'm graduating this year and I finally get to start my life." All my peers seem so afraid of the future, but I know I'm well-prepared. I have experienced enough in my life to understand the kind of person I need to be.
I think I decided I want to go into law. Want my list of schools?
(In no particular order, if you know me you should already be able to tell my first choice)
-Ohio State [Applied yesterday, fool!]
-New York University
-Boston College
-Columbia
-Harvard (Yeah right, but worth a try, right?)
-Stanford (California...? Might as well just apply since its where my daddy wants me to go)
-Northwestern
-USC
Notice the lack of school in Arizona. I'm not even leaving it as an option for myself. I'm ready to move on, and if I stay here that will never really happen. I'm ready to go.
NYC, here I come :)
I'm getting to know myself. It's nice. I'm so not stressed out. I'm just happy.
I love people I used to know. I love when they come back into my life. Whether it's a really good friend I lost touch with over the summer (Tesserrrr!) or someone I just started seeing again for the first time in like...four years? [:)] It's always a good feeling to see someone again you haven't seen in a while. Especially if it is someone that was a strong positive presence in your life.
Oh that reminds me. Last weekend I definitely had lunch with my Aunt and Uncle who were randomly out here. I hadn't seen them in like...6 years? (They're on my mom's side of the family...) It was nice. It made me feel really old though.
The second best feeling? Getting rid of people who bring you down, or cause you problems, or remind you of a time you don't want to remember over and over again. I don't need anyone bringing me down. And letting go is hard, sometimes, but it's the best decision you could ever make for yourself.
In the past month or so, I have just become a better person.
I really have been feeling super old a lot lately. Esp since I've been preping my college applications and starting my essays? Applying for scholarships and all that junk? It's just like "Wow, I'm graduating this year and I finally get to start my life." All my peers seem so afraid of the future, but I know I'm well-prepared. I have experienced enough in my life to understand the kind of person I need to be.
I think I decided I want to go into law. Want my list of schools?
(In no particular order, if you know me you should already be able to tell my first choice)
-Ohio State [Applied yesterday, fool!]
-New York University
-Boston College
-Columbia
-Harvard (Yeah right, but worth a try, right?)
-Stanford (California...? Might as well just apply since its where my daddy wants me to go)
-Northwestern
-USC
Notice the lack of school in Arizona. I'm not even leaving it as an option for myself. I'm ready to move on, and if I stay here that will never really happen. I'm ready to go.
NYC, here I come :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Looking back...
Looking back on middle school and freshman year, it is just astounding how much some people have changed.
People lose their morals and their beliefs so easily these days. It's sad to watch happen.
The worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it. If people want to be a certain way, they're going to be, regardless of you or who you are to them.
This was supposed to be the best summer of my life.
I wish I could change.
People lose their morals and their beliefs so easily these days. It's sad to watch happen.
The worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it. If people want to be a certain way, they're going to be, regardless of you or who you are to them.
This was supposed to be the best summer of my life.
I wish I could change.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
It's taken me this long, baby, but I've figured you out.
The thing I hate the most about myself is that I don't learn from my mistakes like I should. I give people chances that they don't deserve and end up hurt over and over again. The worst part is that I'll do it again and again, because I always convince myself things will be different.
It really sucks that some people take like...everything for granted. &Maybe I was one of those people, but I'm definitely on the opposing side at this point. I need to start putting my faith and trust only in people I know that won't mess everything up. But as many times as I tell myself that, and as much as I know that that's what I need to do, I doubt it will happen.
I hope you're reading this. &I hope you realize what a good thing you threw away.
All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around. I've been giving out chances everytime and all you do is let me down. And it's taken me this long, baby, but I've figured you out. And you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around. You don't have to call anymore, I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw, I don't want to hurt anymore. And you can tell me that you're sorry, but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before. You're not sorry.
Looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn't know. Could've loved you all my life if you didn't leave me waiting in the cold. You had me falling, and it never would have gone away. You used to shine so bright but I watched it all fade. This is the last straw, there's nothing left to beg for. And you can tell me that you're sorry, but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before. You're not sorry.
It really sucks that some people take like...everything for granted. &Maybe I was one of those people, but I'm definitely on the opposing side at this point. I need to start putting my faith and trust only in people I know that won't mess everything up. But as many times as I tell myself that, and as much as I know that that's what I need to do, I doubt it will happen.
I hope you're reading this. &I hope you realize what a good thing you threw away.
All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around. I've been giving out chances everytime and all you do is let me down. And it's taken me this long, baby, but I've figured you out. And you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around. You don't have to call anymore, I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw, I don't want to hurt anymore. And you can tell me that you're sorry, but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before. You're not sorry.
Looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn't know. Could've loved you all my life if you didn't leave me waiting in the cold. You had me falling, and it never would have gone away. You used to shine so bright but I watched it all fade. This is the last straw, there's nothing left to beg for. And you can tell me that you're sorry, but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before. You're not sorry.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
What's fresh, it's our turn, baby!
Ahhh. Summer. It's come with much sweet relief. So much to update. So let's start at the beginning!
Before I left for Europe, so sad, June 9th made it 9 years since my mom died. Sad stuff. I gave blood that day (trying to save someone else the grief of loss) and passed out. It was a pretty intense experience! Kinda scared me away from ever donating blood again, though. BUT. On a lighter note :D.
Europe!? Sooooo suh-weeett!! I had an amazing time and made a few new friends that I know will be around for a while (which for me is a rarety). Plus! I got to see things that most people only dream about, so I'm willing to look past the roachmotels and awful food and appreciate how much better my life is than all yours'!!!
Then I got back aaannndddd?!? Happy Birthday to me!!! 17! R-rated movies. First authorized R movie I saw was Bruno. Well, I may not be seeing anymore for a while :D. Psych. I have been going to the movies like every day since I've gotten back! I've seen Bruno, I Love You Beth Cooper, The Proposal, Transformers, The Ugly Truth, Orphan, Ice Age, and probably a few more that I can't really think of at the present moment in time. Anyhow, not the best birthday but, hey! Who cares because...
The day AFTER my birthday my daddy informed me that when we move?! His wife and her demon child won't be coming with. YESSSSSSSSS!!!! Now I'm counting down the dayssss.
(Plus he told me I'll get my own Tivo?! How excited am I!?)
Next!? Parrrrrty time! Shhhh, I can't talk about that though :D.
After that?! Actually not much has happened since then other than oodles of self-realization, most of which has occurred in the past like two days. Today, I woke up, and I felt and still feel great. I'm in the best mood right now as I probably have been all summer. I realized that things reallllly can get better. I have realized that I have lotssss of people who care about me, and the ones who really do are the ones who deserve me in their lives! All the others can suuuck it!
I realized that I don't need some people in my life to be happy, despite prior beliefs. ACTUALLY, I think that I'll be better off without them. Despite SOME OF YOUR beliefs, I think I deserve to be happy as much as the next guy, and I've decided to take my life into my own hands and DO THAT! Woooo for me. I'm going to take what I thought was the worst summer of my life and make it the best! I don't need fools bringin' me down!
As for the rest of the summer?! Soooo much to do! I have to do like a bajillion and fifty summer assignments (booooo) but I'm going to Hawaii in a few days (woooo)!!!!!!!!! Best decision I ever made. Well, I hope all you have a goooood rest of the summer. See you as sennnioorrrss!!!
Before I left for Europe, so sad, June 9th made it 9 years since my mom died. Sad stuff. I gave blood that day (trying to save someone else the grief of loss) and passed out. It was a pretty intense experience! Kinda scared me away from ever donating blood again, though. BUT. On a lighter note :D.
Europe!? Sooooo suh-weeett!! I had an amazing time and made a few new friends that I know will be around for a while (which for me is a rarety). Plus! I got to see things that most people only dream about, so I'm willing to look past the roachmotels and awful food and appreciate how much better my life is than all yours'!!!
Then I got back aaannndddd?!? Happy Birthday to me!!! 17! R-rated movies. First authorized R movie I saw was Bruno. Well, I may not be seeing anymore for a while :D. Psych. I have been going to the movies like every day since I've gotten back! I've seen Bruno, I Love You Beth Cooper, The Proposal, Transformers, The Ugly Truth, Orphan, Ice Age, and probably a few more that I can't really think of at the present moment in time. Anyhow, not the best birthday but, hey! Who cares because...
The day AFTER my birthday my daddy informed me that when we move?! His wife and her demon child won't be coming with. YESSSSSSSSS!!!! Now I'm counting down the dayssss.
(Plus he told me I'll get my own Tivo?! How excited am I!?)
Next!? Parrrrrty time! Shhhh, I can't talk about that though :D.
After that?! Actually not much has happened since then other than oodles of self-realization, most of which has occurred in the past like two days. Today, I woke up, and I felt and still feel great. I'm in the best mood right now as I probably have been all summer. I realized that things reallllly can get better. I have realized that I have lotssss of people who care about me, and the ones who really do are the ones who deserve me in their lives! All the others can suuuck it!
I realized that I don't need some people in my life to be happy, despite prior beliefs. ACTUALLY, I think that I'll be better off without them. Despite SOME OF YOUR beliefs, I think I deserve to be happy as much as the next guy, and I've decided to take my life into my own hands and DO THAT! Woooo for me. I'm going to take what I thought was the worst summer of my life and make it the best! I don't need fools bringin' me down!
As for the rest of the summer?! Soooo much to do! I have to do like a bajillion and fifty summer assignments (booooo) but I'm going to Hawaii in a few days (woooo)!!!!!!!!! Best decision I ever made. Well, I hope all you have a goooood rest of the summer. See you as sennnioorrrss!!!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The world is an ashtray.
It really sucks that people are the way they are, myself included. I take people too seriously. I take life too seriously. But it seems like everyone else doesn't care about anything or anyone other than themselves. I may not be nice all the time, but I do believe I am a nice person. I could never hurt one of my friends knowingly or intentionally. I could never let someone else hurt someone I know when its possible for me to prevent it or fix the situation. I feel like I do genuinely care about a lot of people who genuinely don't care about me.
I'm so glad I'm leaving. I don't know if I can deal with things here the way they are right now. Hopefully peacing out for almost three weeks can help clear my head. Many people I've talked to have said that trips like this have the potential to entirely change my life, and for that I can only hope.
If I weren't able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, my life would be a lot different than it is right now. However, the light, it seems, is a lot further away than originally perceived.
"Things could be a lot worse! There's starving kids in Ethiopia"
Well yeah, I know things COULD be a lot worse, but right now, this is the worst things have ever been for me.
I'm losing everyone, and I'm losing myself. I WANT school to start again. I like feeling productive, and right now, I've never felt less. I feel alone. I'm constantly sad. I just want things to be the way they were. I want to go back to sixth grade when hugging a boyfriend wasn't something you did until you were dating for at least a month. I want to go back when I had a lot of friends who would do anything for me. I want to go back to when I wasn't as bitter and cynical as I have become over the past year or so. I want people to go back to who they were too.
I don't know what to write. No one will read this anyhow. It just gives me something to do I guess for the ten minutes it takes to do.
I'm so glad I'm leaving. I don't know if I can deal with things here the way they are right now. Hopefully peacing out for almost three weeks can help clear my head. Many people I've talked to have said that trips like this have the potential to entirely change my life, and for that I can only hope.
If I weren't able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, my life would be a lot different than it is right now. However, the light, it seems, is a lot further away than originally perceived.
"Things could be a lot worse! There's starving kids in Ethiopia"
Well yeah, I know things COULD be a lot worse, but right now, this is the worst things have ever been for me.
I'm losing everyone, and I'm losing myself. I WANT school to start again. I like feeling productive, and right now, I've never felt less. I feel alone. I'm constantly sad. I just want things to be the way they were. I want to go back to sixth grade when hugging a boyfriend wasn't something you did until you were dating for at least a month. I want to go back when I had a lot of friends who would do anything for me. I want to go back to when I wasn't as bitter and cynical as I have become over the past year or so. I want people to go back to who they were too.
I don't know what to write. No one will read this anyhow. It just gives me something to do I guess for the ten minutes it takes to do.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I see the ice is slowly melting.
I know...it's been forever. I have more important things to worry about than blogging. Unfortunately I seem to be the only one...
But not today! I've been...basically sleeping all day. It's a nice change. And so far, winter break has been decent. I've gotten close with a friend I was starting to grow apart from, and close to someone who I never have been before.
I'm a lot better off on my own, I'm realizing.
I moved into the guest apartment thingy in my house. It's so much better. I can actually sleep past eight in the morning most of the time, I get my own stash of food, two tvs, and my kitty lives up here with me. Its a lot easier to take care of her when her food and litter is in my kitchen instead of hidden away.
A lot of dumb shit has been going on in my life lately, but suddenly I realize that I don't need anyone to make it better for me. I realize that relying on people is a waste of energy, and that the only way for things to get better is for me to make them.
I guess not having something around can help you realize that you don't need it to be happy.
But not today! I've been...basically sleeping all day. It's a nice change. And so far, winter break has been decent. I've gotten close with a friend I was starting to grow apart from, and close to someone who I never have been before.
I'm a lot better off on my own, I'm realizing.
I moved into the guest apartment thingy in my house. It's so much better. I can actually sleep past eight in the morning most of the time, I get my own stash of food, two tvs, and my kitty lives up here with me. Its a lot easier to take care of her when her food and litter is in my kitchen instead of hidden away.
A lot of dumb shit has been going on in my life lately, but suddenly I realize that I don't need anyone to make it better for me. I realize that relying on people is a waste of energy, and that the only way for things to get better is for me to make them.
I guess not having something around can help you realize that you don't need it to be happy.
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