Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody.

&My, how things have changed.

Fate will not control us.

2 posts in one day?! You must be bored, Abbey!

No. I'm just...upset.

I think I just realized how easily someone's life can be taken away from them without warning. It's amazing how many people live to their ages: it seems like death is everywhere. I feel so...cold, and scared ever since last night. I just feel something bad coming. I hope to God I'm wrong...I can't lose anyone else.

Ever since I was old enough to understand my mom's death, I have been so immensely afraid of loosing my dad. What if he gets killed on his way home from the casino tonight? What would I do? I wouldn't have anyone, he is all I have had for so long.

It's terrifying to know that one stupid idiot texting and not paying attention to the road can determine the rest of your life. It's horrible to think that one blown out tire or one bunny running across the road can have such a dramatic ripple effect, ultimately changing and determining lives.

I don't want to be afraid of dying. I just want to appreciate the live I have lived so far. I need to stop looking to the future and start focusing on now. I need to let my friends know I love them, because what if something happens and the next time I see them they're laying cold, dead and pale in a shiny wooden padded box in a room filled with the stench of death.

I hope that cold skin is something you never have to feel as you lean into a coffin to give your mom that one last hug. I hope that smell doesn't linger in your senses until the day you die. I hope you never have to experience loss; there is nothing more devastating in the world.

I just want people to appreciate who/what they have in life. I just want to appreciate my life, and as of now, I'm going to make it a priority to do so.

This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius!

So I just ended up, through a series of me creeping on someone's myspace and then reading their horoscope and other continuing events, on this website about zodiac signs and compatibility. Apparently Aquarius and Sagitarus better watch out, I'm supposed to hate you! Which is weird, I think generally Aquarius and I get along pretty well...hmmm.

Anyhow, I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm about to die.
Yesterday there was an accident right by my house that killed two people. I was driving home and went to turn onto this dark scary road that is really curvy and people always go speeding down. Apparently if I would have been driving by like ten minutes earlier I would have died. I don't know, it's just scary to think about something like that. Esp since I have always had this feeling that I'm not going to live to be 18.

Ever since that, I keep feeling like something bad is going to happen. If I die tonight, let this blog be evidence of my psychic abilities that no one else believes in! I don't have much to say today. Actually I do, I'm just bored of being on the computer since I just spent 4 hours doing work for my online AP Physics class. That said, I'ma go shopping! Peace out.

Don't let me down.

So you know what I get a kick out of? Reading blogs from a couple years ago, or months, or weeks, and laughing at how stupid I sound. Whether it's because I was in a spell of emotional instability or whatever the reason may be, it's hilarious to me how ridiculous I have been hahaha. Additionally, it's interesting to see how random my thought processes are, or how my ideas and points of view have changed over time.

I have a lot to say today, but I don't feel too much like typing right now. I'll complete this later on tonight :)

Booooyyyy you fiiiiineeee!

Hey everyone!! Due to my immese boredom and tendancy to not want to do any of the millions of productive things I should be doing, I'm going to start blogging regularly! Back to my random gripes about random things...here I go!!!

Soooo let's see...
OH! I got a job interview...FINALLY. Levi's! Interview on Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. Any advice? Leave me a comment.

I'm so excited. I've been looking for a job for like five billion years. Totally though I had one, but then I bombed my second interview and they gave it to some other chick :(. Total downer.

This has been the most immesely boring weekend of my life. Following the football game (which actually wasn't boring, but awesome, rather) I came home and went to bed at like 10. Yesterday I watched pay per view all day. Went to bed at 11. Today? TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING TO DO. I'm not becoming one of those losers who does nothing but sit on the freaking computer all day! Or am I...

So hm. What's been irritating the hell out of me lately?
Oh hahahahaha so that whole situation with the flying balloon boy? I came home from school on Thursday or whatever day that was, made myself some easy mac, turned on the TV, and saw this shit. I sat there for like an hour and a half waiting for this balloon thing to go crashing into the ground, and when it finally did there was no freaking kid in it. Biggest let down ever.
Immediately I said to myself "news hoax!" and alas, it totally was.

People are such idiots. Why would you be so deperate for attention that you would do something like make millions of people think that this kid is about to die. I think we should exile those hicks!

So I really want to see Paranormal Activity, but due to my effing Bronchitis, all my friends went and saw it without me, so I have no one to see it with! If you wanna go, hit me up :).

I'm starting to bore myself, so I'm going to end this with a deep, philosophical thought...

Do hicks know that they're hicks?
(One of Jimmy and I's deep, relevant conversations)
And to the few people that will actually read this, thank you!!!! :)

There's no giving up when you're young and you want some.

So there is this person that used to be in my life, this person I used to really look up to and aspire to be. This person was strong, smart, beautiful, confident.

I looked at everything this person said as if it was so far above anything anyone else could come up with. I thought that everything they said and did was so well-thought-out and well-intended.

I have recently realized what has come of this person in passed years, and it's so difficult to realize that someone you always looked up to has become nothing more than a pathetic hypocrite. Maybe they have been that way all along, and I was too young and naive to realize it. Actually, I realize now this is probably the case. It's too bad this person still thinks they're God's gift to humankind.

People always told me how much things would change between freshman year and now, and if someone would have told me that things would be the way they are now I never would have believed them.

It's so intense of a feeling to look back on my ideas, opinions, the way I thought of myself back then.

I have grown so much as a person. I have become the strong person I always thought I was but recently realized I wasn't. I don't need to compare myself to other people anymore, and I certainly don't need anyone to look up to.

It will be interesting to see what comes of my peers. I'm already anticipating my ten year reunion.
How can it almost be 2010? Where have all the years gone?

I feel so old. I still feel like I'm in middle school or something. It's weird to think how I thought I was so mature and high above everyone before.

I love how middle school and high school kids just think so highly of themselves haha.

Dear Friendly Friends.

This is such a new experience for me. I'm consistently in an amazing mood? Who knew!

I'm getting to know myself. It's nice. I'm so not stressed out. I'm just happy.

I love people I used to know. I love when they come back into my life. Whether it's a really good friend I lost touch with over the summer (Tesserrrr!) or someone I just started seeing again for the first time in like...four years? [:)] It's always a good feeling to see someone again you haven't seen in a while. Especially if it is someone that was a strong positive presence in your life.


Oh that reminds me. Last weekend I definitely had lunch with my Aunt and Uncle who were randomly out here. I hadn't seen them in like...6 years? (They're on my mom's side of the family...) It was nice. It made me feel really old though.

The second best feeling? Getting rid of people who bring you down, or cause you problems, or remind you of a time you don't want to remember over and over again. I don't need anyone bringing me down. And letting go is hard, sometimes, but it's the best decision you could ever make for yourself.

In the past month or so, I have just become a better person.

I really have been feeling super old a lot lately. Esp since I've been preping my college applications and starting my essays? Applying for scholarships and all that junk? It's just like "Wow, I'm graduating this year and I finally get to start my life." All my peers seem so afraid of the future, but I know I'm well-prepared. I have experienced enough in my life to understand the kind of person I need to be.

I think I decided I want to go into law. Want my list of schools?
(In no particular order, if you know me you should already be able to tell my first choice)
-Ohio State [Applied yesterday, fool!]
-New York University
-Boston College
-Columbia
-Harvard (Yeah right, but worth a try, right?)
-Stanford (California...? Might as well just apply since its where my daddy wants me to go)
-Northwestern
-USC

Notice the lack of school in Arizona. I'm not even leaving it as an option for myself. I'm ready to move on, and if I stay here that will never really happen. I'm ready to go.

NYC, here I come :)

Looking back...

Looking back on middle school and freshman year, it is just astounding how much some people have changed.

People lose their morals and their beliefs so easily these days. It's sad to watch happen.

The worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it. If people want to be a certain way, they're going to be, regardless of you or who you are to them.

This was supposed to be the best summer of my life.
I wish I could change.