Be my friend. Hold me.

It's been forever since I posted a blog, right? A lot has been going on with stupid school, stupid people, stupid life, etc.

School is ridiculous. So hard this year. I'm more than ready for summer again. Only...8 more months :(. AP classes are bullshit. Advice to everyone that exists: don't take them.

Lately I've felt really alone. I guess maybe that's why I haven't been blogging...I'd feel too much like the computer was my only friend. That, and I knew I'd vent about things on here that I'd later regret saying. People don't need to be all up in my business.

I've felt like a lot of my friends have changed and abandoned me. I'm now dating my former best friend, which eliminates that whole thing, and we've been hanging out less than before. In some ways I feel like he's abandoning me too. But maybe that's just me being ridiculously clingy.

Things are getting better, I guess. The past few days, anyhow.

Sometimes I just wish I could go back in time: change my mind, prevent people from forming habits, kick myself for making shit decisions, relive some moments in my past. Unfortunately, I can't go back to the way things used to be. I'm trying to learn to live with now, though. I wish I just had more time on my hands.

Say what you need to say.

Maybe I'm sick of being mature about stuff. Maybe I want to be immature and say fuck this. Maybe I want to be selfish. Maybe I deserve a little consideration. Maybe some people need to grow up. I've never been so unhappy with my life as I am at this exact moment in time.

WHY WON'T SHE STOP MAKING FUCKING NOISES.

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again, don't make me change my mind.

So my brother leaves for college tomorrow. Before I was so happy he was leaving, but I guess it just hit me that now, I'm like alone in this shitty situation. At least before I had someone that hated this just as much as I do. Now, definitely not the situation. Maybe I'm just jealous he gets to peace out while I have to deal with it for another two fucking years.

And it doesn't help that my dad, before he got married, told me he would set all these rules for...it, and now he's letting his wife walk all over him. I don't know. They're just so fucking inconsiderate. Anyhow...

So the dumbshits at blockbuster (not even worthy of capitalization) didn't take the security tags off my dad's movies. So I had to drive there and demand a refund. It was ridiculous. So, here's my list of establishment of which no one should attend because they suck at existance:

Wendy's
Blockbuster

To be ubiquitous.

I just want out of here.

I want to know what goes on inside some people's heads. Some people I just don't understand at all. I wish I could understand the logic. I wish I could tell people things and make them really hear it. I wish people trusted me more. I'm sorry I lie so much.

I want to teach people something. I want people to really appreciate some things in their lives. I want to help people through difficult things. I want to know why people are the way they are. I want to know their motives, and what they're ultimately trying to do. I wish people would appreciate me. I probably don't deserve it.

I try. You may not notice, but I really try. I guess I'm just not good at some things.

I wish some people would forgive me. I've done a lot of stupid things. I've apologized. I say things I don't mean. I do things I shouldn't. But I can't change the past. I'm trying to make things better...why won't they let it happen?

I'll swim the ocean for you.

I've been trying to hard to become more positive. I know it probably doesn't seem that way. But I really have been. It's just every time I make progress, something shitty happens and pisses me off again.

I complain about everything. I hate everything. I'm basically not willing to give anyone or anything a chance anymore. I'm sick of change. I'm sick of people changing. I'm sick of things changing around me. Every time I'm happy with something or okay with it, it has to change.

Sometimes I just have bad nights. Tonight would be one of them.

I don't know what to do right now. I really just want out of my life. I just want to leave this house. My brother is a lucky fucking bastard.

Its weird how you want something for so long, and then you get it, and then you don't want it anymore, huh.

Ignorance is bliss.

So why do we need an education?

School sucks. I'm already like done with it. Or just...not ready for it.

I'm not too happy with my schedule. Most of my classes are good I guess. Ceramics is the only class I don't really know anyone in. Well...know anyone I WANT to know, anyhow.

Screw school. Screw my life.

I'm really stressed, tired, and upset right now. Who knows why. Goodnight :D

Happiness is a warm gun.

SCREW MY LIFE.
School is soon :(. I still have to do 2 outlines, read an entire book, and write a paper in...
4 days? Oh my god.

HELP ME! :(

As one must go to Europe to see the past, one must visit Southern California to observe the future.

Well, without telling anyone, I took off for California today. For now, I'm chillin. Just thought I'd let y'all know. I know how concerned you guys get!
:D

Because music is what feelings sound like...

It's strange how certain songs can always put you in a certain mood. Like, "Here Comes The Sun," always makes me feel like everything's okay. It makes me feel like things will always get better. I guess that's the point.

Music is a wonderful thing. I miss it. I used to be so into it and obsessed with it and always up with the new stuff, but lately I've been slacking. Well, no more!

On a different note, a lot of things are going on. If you wanna know, though, you'll just have to ask :D. I love you all. Goodnight! :D :D :D

Happy, Happy, Happy!

Happy would-be 51st Birthday, Mom! :D