The world is an ashtray.

It really sucks that people are the way they are, myself included. I take people too seriously. I take life too seriously. But it seems like everyone else doesn't care about anything or anyone other than themselves. I may not be nice all the time, but I do believe I am a nice person. I could never hurt one of my friends knowingly or intentionally. I could never let someone else hurt someone I know when its possible for me to prevent it or fix the situation. I feel like I do genuinely care about a lot of people who genuinely don't care about me.

I'm so glad I'm leaving. I don't know if I can deal with things here the way they are right now. Hopefully peacing out for almost three weeks can help clear my head. Many people I've talked to have said that trips like this have the potential to entirely change my life, and for that I can only hope.

If I weren't able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, my life would be a lot different than it is right now. However, the light, it seems, is a lot further away than originally perceived.

"Things could be a lot worse! There's starving kids in Ethiopia"
Well yeah, I know things COULD be a lot worse, but right now, this is the worst things have ever been for me.

I'm losing everyone, and I'm losing myself. I WANT school to start again. I like feeling productive, and right now, I've never felt less. I feel alone. I'm constantly sad. I just want things to be the way they were. I want to go back to sixth grade when hugging a boyfriend wasn't something you did until you were dating for at least a month. I want to go back when I had a lot of friends who would do anything for me. I want to go back to when I wasn't as bitter and cynical as I have become over the past year or so. I want people to go back to who they were too.

I don't know what to write. No one will read this anyhow. It just gives me something to do I guess for the ten minutes it takes to do.