The key to change is to let go of fear.

My dad's wedding is tomorrow. Is it wrong to not even want to go? Yeah, it is. I'm too mature to be feeling the way I feel right now, but I can't really help it anymore. It's hard to change when things have been the same way for the entirety of the life you remember.

Anyhow, I've been falling in love with the Beatles all over again ever since I saw, "LOVE!" in Vegas. Abbey Road, bitches! Go listen to it. If you have any taste, you'll fall in love.

I'm HOOOOOMEEEE!!

I just got back from Vegas. Despite a few issuses, it was really fun. I saw Love, which was pretty cool, and Elton John, which was amazing. Plus I spent a shit load of money, WOOO! So here, some photos for you all :D.



Free boa for Elton's 200th show! This picture needed to be included haha.

Me, my daddy, and Pete Rose.

Viva Las Vegas!

Off to Vegas with my daddy bright and early tomorrow morning! I'm seeing Elton John, Love, and maybe even Thunder Down Under with Brittany ;D Haha. Anyhow, it's my dad and I's "bonding" time before he gets married I guess. So anyhow, that's where I'll be the next few days. Don't worry, though. I'm taking my computer :D. Good night everyone!

Wanna know what pisses me off?

Comment and tell me what pisses you off!

Our excuses for global domination always change.

Woo. Idk if I blogged about this, probably not because it was a while ago, but I'm gonna tell you about my whole garage deal.

A few weeks ago, in anticipation of maybe getting a car, as well as extreme boredom, I went out to the garage and was like, "gee, there's no room for another car in here." So I cleaned out the entire single car part of our garage. This took me at least 5 hours. So I call my dad and was all, "I cleaned the garage so now I have a place to park my car if you buy me one." His response to this was, "If there's an extra parking spot in that garage, it's going to Linn, not you."

I was pretty PISSED because I spent 5 hours on it. But, anyhow, the significance of this story is that I just moved the few remaining items in the parking spot, and, consenquentially, I STOLE MY SPOT BACK!

Riches do not consist in the possession of treasures, but in the use made of them.

Look what I got today :D

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.

A lot of you probably know about this, as I've been talking about it a lot. I'm super excited.
Anyhow, I'm going on a trip to Europe next summer, and I got the book telling all about it today. I'm currently going through it, hence the blog.

We're going to England, France, Switzerland, Italy, and Greece. A billion cities in each. The trip is like 17 days long, maybe longer.

I never expected my dad to let me go. But I'm so so so happy he did. Seeing the world always has been and will be a goal of mine. Plus I'm going with Kami, which automatically makes it awesome :D.

DISCLAIMER: Only read the following paragraph if you care what I'm doing every day in Europe. If you don't, no worries, if it were you, I probably wouldn't care.

The first day we fly overnight to england. Second and third day we tour London, Big Ben, Westminster Me [Abbey :D], and we get to go torment the guards at Buckingham. Fourth and fifth day we go to Paris on the 'eurostar', see the Eiffel Tower and whatnot. Sixth and Seventh days we go to Lucerne [Switzerland, losers :D] and possibly go to Mount Pilatus and ride down on some weird sled things. Days eight and nine we're in Florence, Italy, maybe go to the leaning tower of pizza (Ha, I wish!), no Pisa. Day ten, we're in Assisi and eleven in Rome. There we get to see Vatican city and the Sistine Chapel (Oh my god, I've ALWAYS ALWAYS wanted to see that), plus the Pantheon and Colosseum. Day twelve we're in Sorrento, thirteen in Pompeii. We take an overnight ferry from Brindisi to Igoumenitsa. Day fourteen we're in Meteora. Fifteen, Delphi, Greece, and sixteen, in Athens. We get to see the Acropolis and maybe go on a 3 day cruise from Greece to Turkey or something like that. Then, whether it's day seventeen or day twentyone, we come home, and I'm reunited with all you lovely people :D.

Anyhow, that's my current excitement. Aside from my awesome car. Man I need to get a job to pay for all this shit. My dad's getting me a job in some office, so yay NO minium wage!! :D.

Anyhow, I'm on the verge of passing out. Goodnight everyone :D.

Desire is motivation.

The main reason I'm writing right now, I'll admit, is because the pictures on the sidebar of this blog go down much farther than the actual blogs. That annoys me. Well also, I have no life...but that's beside the point.

I did, actually, skip a day of blogging, although, since my other 2 were both after midnight, it doesn't appear so. Whatever, doesn't matter. I know you people love hearing about every day of my life.

YESTERDAY WAS SO BOMB. We drove my bro to the airport, took my mom a bouquet I made for her at the cemetery (god, its so different from what I remember)(Oh yeah, I have something to say about this later so...*!), and then we were off to Cardinale Way Mazda. OH MY GOD!! We went out there and my dad's friend that worked there like had a bunch of cars ready for us, so we went over there and there were three red 07 Mazda 3's and then a bunch of gay white and silver ones. But I picked this one with tinted windows and a black interior and they totally let me test drive it. They let a fifteen year old test drive a car! I love those dudes. Anyhow, now I'm completely in love with every aspect of that car. Its all I can think about. But we talked to the dude about money and stuff, and I'm totally getting it!

Sorry, that was like a Mazda fangirl rant, but I'm so excited. Anyone who knows me knows how obsessed I've been with what car I'm getting for the past like 6 months. Anyhow, yeah I'm almost 100% getting it, just when it's a little closer to my birthday. Then I have to get a job to help pay for it, but that's totally okay with me. It'll feel good to have something like that actually be MINE. :D I'm so happy :D :D :D.

Then my dad and I went to lunch and then I drove home, hung out with Scottydog, it was a good day.

Today my dad called me at like ten damn thirty and woke me up. (Yeah I know it's not that early but it is for me) I got ready, went shoe shopping with Linn, we went to Olive Garden, YUM, and then Costco, and then to some wedding flower lady, and then home. Now I'm just sitting here bored...and apparently Terrence saw the ex-guitarist for Korn at Kung Fu Panda. That's what I'm currently texting him about, so I thought I'd throw it in.

*(The thing from up there^^) When we were at the cemetery, my dad was talking about how Linn wants him to be burried not in the burrial plot next to my mom that he bought 8 years ago, but next to her. I'm sorry, but in my book, that's pretty fucked up. If she gets him in life, my poor dead mother that only got to see 43 years should get him in death. Maybe I'm overreacting, but that really means a lot to me, and if he changes his will to not be burried next to my mom, I'll probably never talk to him again.

This blog was kind of randomly all over the place, and didn't contain anything of interest, but thank you for reading :).

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

I hate talking about this...I figure no one will read this anyhow:

Well, today has come. In a few hours, around 3ish, it will have been 8 years since my mom died. It wasn't until recently I've learned what really happened that night. I respect that they didn't tell me at the time, though. I definitely would have freaked out.

I don't tell people, often, what happened that night. I don't know if I'm willing to start now, but you should know that it contained the biggest regret of my life. People hear the phrase, "Don't take ... for granted," every day. I know that hearing it doesn't affect anyone's opinion of anything, usually. But it's true. Don't take anyone for granted.

I loved my mom. She's the reason I play the piano. She's the one who helped me practice...okay, made me. She told me how she'd always wanted to play, but her mom couldn't afford it. The night she died, she wanted me to play the piano. I wouldn't. I remember walking up the stairs that night. She was sitting in this big ugly green chair in our downstairs living room. I didn't think anything was wrong.

I wish more than anything I could have one conversation with her. I know nothing about her life before me. I wish I could hear her voice again. I don't remember it at all.

I wonder every day of my life where I'd be right now if that hadn't have happened. I wonder if things would really have been that much easier.

I love my dad. I remember crying in his arms in the big leather office chair. I remember how strong he stayed. Eight years goes fast. Eight years, and sometimes I still cry myself to sleep thinking about it.

ANYHOW. I hung out with Scotty today. We laid in the driveway and looked at the stars and talked about martians :). I miss him :(.

Car shopping tomorrow...well today. I'm gonna try to sleep...probably won't happen though. Goodnight.

Inspired.

Well, I've been inspired by Ms. Brittany to start one of these. I've been meaning to do blogs forever, but I'm over MySpace. Too cliche...not that this isn't. However, I have a lot on my mind lately, a lot going on, and maybe it'll make me feel better to let some of it out.

First of all, my 16th birthday is in 29 days. I'm soooo excited. I hate having such a late birthday, but hopefully it'll be worth the wait. It's going to feel so good to never have to ask for rides anywhere or mooch off my friends anymore :). I'm going car shopping Monday, after my dad and I drop my brother off at the airport (he's going to Ohio for college orientation) and go visit my mom at the cemetery for the first time in years. My dad has a poker bud at the Cardinale Way Mazda dealership in Mesa. Sweet Mazda3!!

Monday marks the 8 year anniversary of my mom's death. Also it would be my parents 19th wedding anniversary. It's strange how fast it has gone, and how much my life, and I, have changed since then. It sucks to not remember my own mother...but at least she lives in me. I've been looking for old videos and stuff, but I have a feeling my dad's ex-fiancee "lost" them when we moved. It's also strange how random the few memories I have of her are...I'd name a few, but I don't want to think about it right now. I don't know whether to be sad about my mom being gone, or happy about the experience at perspective it has given me. I grew up at a very young age, and that's a lot of the reason I am who I am today.

My brother's leaving for college, which should be the happiest thing to ever happen to me, but now that my dad's getting married, I don't know how to feel about it. For the past 5 years I've just been looking forward to my brother leaving and it just being my dad and I. But now, it won't be. 2 more people are moving in. My dad's soon-to-be wife, and her daughter. With my dad's last fiancee, I was the annoying little girl to the older daughter. My, how the tables have turned, eh? It's the exact same situation too, totally weird :\. I want my dad to be happy. As much as I hate the idea of this whole situation, I want him to be happy. It just upsets me that I don't think this is going to do it for him. I don't think he loves her...but it's his decision. I'm just along for the ride...again.

I'm trying to be more optimistic about life. Well, I've faced the fact that I'll always be pessimistic. That's what happens when every time you've tried to be optimistic about something in your life, it went terribly awry. I guess I'm just trying to have a little more fun...be a little more willing to do...whatever! I don't know how to explain...you get it. :D

Last year, I lost close relationships I used to have with a lot of people. Don't get me wrong, I gained a lot too, but I miss them. I miss the people I used to trust with anything. Lately I've been talking to some of them again, but it'll never get back to the way it used to be. Some are just too far away, moving on to bigger and better things, or completely destroying their lives. Some, however, are realizing how much they really do need me ;D.

This year, I made a lot of mistakes. I did some things that I'd give anything to take back. However, I think those things did teach me a lot. They taught me to be a little more careful, don't trust just anyone, don't let people down, and to never settle for anything or anyone.

I think I'm happy right now. It's summer, I have Scott, I have Kami, I have a few of my old friends back, and I'm finally realizing my life could be a lot worse.