Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

I hate talking about this...I figure no one will read this anyhow:

Well, today has come. In a few hours, around 3ish, it will have been 8 years since my mom died. It wasn't until recently I've learned what really happened that night. I respect that they didn't tell me at the time, though. I definitely would have freaked out.

I don't tell people, often, what happened that night. I don't know if I'm willing to start now, but you should know that it contained the biggest regret of my life. People hear the phrase, "Don't take ... for granted," every day. I know that hearing it doesn't affect anyone's opinion of anything, usually. But it's true. Don't take anyone for granted.

I loved my mom. She's the reason I play the piano. She's the one who helped me practice...okay, made me. She told me how she'd always wanted to play, but her mom couldn't afford it. The night she died, she wanted me to play the piano. I wouldn't. I remember walking up the stairs that night. She was sitting in this big ugly green chair in our downstairs living room. I didn't think anything was wrong.

I wish more than anything I could have one conversation with her. I know nothing about her life before me. I wish I could hear her voice again. I don't remember it at all.

I wonder every day of my life where I'd be right now if that hadn't have happened. I wonder if things would really have been that much easier.

I love my dad. I remember crying in his arms in the big leather office chair. I remember how strong he stayed. Eight years goes fast. Eight years, and sometimes I still cry myself to sleep thinking about it.

ANYHOW. I hung out with Scotty today. We laid in the driveway and looked at the stars and talked about martians :). I miss him :(.

Car shopping tomorrow...well today. I'm gonna try to sleep...probably won't happen though. Goodnight.